One day, after Laloo Yadav had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, 'You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?'
'Well,' he said, 'I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.'
'That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?'
'Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2.'
Thursday, January 31, 2008
man complained to his coworker that he didn't know what to get his wife for her birthday. 'She already has everything you could think of, and she can buy herself whatever she likes.'
'Here's an idea,' said the colleague. 'Make up your own gift certificate that says, 'Thirty minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she'll be enchanted.'
The next day, the colleague asked, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'
'Yes,' replied the man.
'Did she like it?'
'Oh, yes! She jumped up kissed me on the forehead, and ran out of the door yelling, 'See you in 30 minutes!''
'Here's an idea,' said the colleague. 'Make up your own gift certificate that says, 'Thirty minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she'll be enchanted.'
The next day, the colleague asked, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'
'Yes,' replied the man.
'Did she like it?'
'Oh, yes! She jumped up kissed me on the forehead, and ran out of the door yelling, 'See you in 30 minutes!''
A man got a call from his doctor who said 'I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?'The man says 'The bad news.'
The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!'
The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'
The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!'
The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'
Each morning the man was enraged that the tea cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the tea delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the man's yelling and insults produced a full cup of tea, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less tea.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of tea that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The man couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
'Oh, there's not much to it,' admitted the clerk happily, 'I take some tea in my mouth right outside the kitchen, and spit it back in when I get outside your office!'
None of the man's yelling and insults produced a full cup of tea, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less tea.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of tea that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The man couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
'Oh, there's not much to it,' admitted the clerk happily, 'I take some tea in my mouth right outside the kitchen, and spit it back in when I get outside your office!'
A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
'Of course Darling.' she replied. And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, 'you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?'
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, 'You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?'
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, 'Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?'
Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, 'You know.. you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!'
'Of course Darling.' she replied. And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, 'you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?'
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, 'You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?'
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, 'Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?'
Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, 'You know.. you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!'
A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet, Dr Santa Singh, who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
'Are you sure?', the distraught woman asked. 'He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?'
Dr Santa Singh paused for a moment and said, 'There is one more thing we can do.' He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
'Well, that confirms it.' the vet announced. 'Your dog is dead.'
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, 'How much do I owe you?'
'That will be Rs.1100.' the vet replied.
'I don't believe it!!!', screamed the woman. 'What did you do that cost Rs.1100?
'Well', Dr Santa Singh replied, 'it's Rs.100 for the office visit and Rs.1000 for the cat-scan.'
'Are you sure?', the distraught woman asked. 'He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?'
Dr Santa Singh paused for a moment and said, 'There is one more thing we can do.' He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
'Well, that confirms it.' the vet announced. 'Your dog is dead.'
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, 'How much do I owe you?'
'That will be Rs.1100.' the vet replied.
'I don't believe it!!!', screamed the woman. 'What did you do that cost Rs.1100?
'Well', Dr Santa Singh replied, 'it's Rs.100 for the office visit and Rs.1000 for the cat-scan.'
A man, his wife, and their eight children were waiting at a bus stop. Not long after, a blind man joins the group.
The bus arrives. The blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus.
As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate the other man. Finally, the man says, 'You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?'
The blind man retorts: 'If you'd put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd both be on that bus.'
The bus arrives. The blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus.
As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate the other man. Finally, the man says, 'You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?'
The blind man retorts: 'If you'd put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd both be on that bus.'
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. 'Where are you going?' he asked.
'To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!'
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.
'What do you think you are doing?' she screamed.
'Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!'
'To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!'
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.
'What do you think you are doing?' she screamed.
'Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!'
Santa Singh walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs him that he's too drunk and he could not serve him anything.
Santa is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the Santa Singh stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation, and asks him to leave.
Santa looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, he bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and if he doesn't leave he would call the police!
Santa looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries 'MAN! How many bars do you work at?'
Santa is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the Santa Singh stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation, and asks him to leave.
Santa looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, he bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and if he doesn't leave he would call the police!
Santa looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries 'MAN! How many bars do you work at?'
Little Lalloo was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. 'Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother.
'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair?'
'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair?'
The Pakistani Air Force recently purchased a fleet of Chinese fighter jets. They invited over a Chinese official and at a gathering, the Chinese guy says to the Pakis, 'These planes are so simple, even you fools can use them'.
The chief of the air force asks how it's all done. The Chinese guy says, 'OK. So easy! Press this button to go right. This button to go left, and this button to go up!'
The Paki Air Force Chief then asks, 'So, how do you come down?'
The Chinese guy replies, 'Oh, leave that to the Indian Air Force!'
The chief of the air force asks how it's all done. The Chinese guy says, 'OK. So easy! Press this button to go right. This button to go left, and this button to go up!'
The Paki Air Force Chief then asks, 'So, how do you come down?'
The Chinese guy replies, 'Oh, leave that to the Indian Air Force!'
Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.
She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher almost unconcious.
Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Jaswinder: Ok.
Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?
Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!
She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher almost unconcious.
Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Jaswinder: Ok.
Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?
Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!
George Bush goes to a school George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
"Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?
And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
"Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?
And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.
She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.
'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.
'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.
'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'
She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.
'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.
'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.
'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'
Maine sardarse pucha"bollywood& hollywood me kya fark hai?
sardar: A tho very simple bollywood me ball dikhate he;
hollywood me Hole dikate he
*****************************************************
Lady teacher making fun of short boy,"you have to stand on bench to drink milk". Boy smiled and said- "you have to kneel down to suck a lollipop.."
sardar: A tho very simple bollywood me ball dikhate he;
hollywood me Hole dikate he
*****************************************************
Lady teacher making fun of short boy,"you have to stand on bench to drink milk". Boy smiled and said- "you have to kneel down to suck a lollipop.."
A boy goes 2 see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed 2 see BOY: Yes i Saw Dad.
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Hostel me ek ladka dusre se bola"yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, mujhe kal jaldi utha dena"Dusra bola"tu mera lund pakad k so ja,yeh roz mujse pahle uth jata hai.
******************************************************************
Hostel me ek ladka dusre se bola"yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, mujhe kal jaldi utha dena"Dusra bola"tu mera lund pakad k so ja,yeh roz mujse pahle uth jata hai.
your girlsfriend is your right hand...
but if ur girlfriend is away then your right hand is your girlfriend... gud night
********************************************************
A Lady without her Bra was selling Grapes. A Man said: Excuse me, sab kuch dikhta hai. Lady said: Abey Chutiye, tab hi to yeh bikta hai...
********************************************************
A dark guy was walkin on d road... His pants wer torn at d back... Sardarji came to him n said..."oye, tussi pant ke peeche damaar laga hai jee"...
********************************************************
but if ur girlfriend is away then your right hand is your girlfriend... gud night
********************************************************
A Lady without her Bra was selling Grapes. A Man said: Excuse me, sab kuch dikhta hai. Lady said: Abey Chutiye, tab hi to yeh bikta hai...
********************************************************
A dark guy was walkin on d road... His pants wer torn at d back... Sardarji came to him n said..."oye, tussi pant ke peeche damaar laga hai jee"...
********************************************************
sardar:- mistriji Bed majbut banana mere munde nu bahu pe chadna hai.
mistri:- aisa majbut bed banaunga ki sara mohalla bahu pe chad jaye to bhi kuch nahi tutega.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A 16 yrs girl to old man---- uncleji lun.. seedha chu.. mein dalo na niche bun... mein slip ho raha hai
old man jan de kuriye jan de bhen chod nu gu khan di aadat hai.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
prostitute takes sardar's pennis in mouth and threatens him"1000 Rs. de varna kat doongi
sardar replies:- 5000 Rs. de varna susu kar doonga!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
mistri:- aisa majbut bed banaunga ki sara mohalla bahu pe chad jaye to bhi kuch nahi tutega.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A 16 yrs girl to old man---- uncleji lun.. seedha chu.. mein dalo na niche bun... mein slip ho raha hai
old man jan de kuriye jan de bhen chod nu gu khan di aadat hai.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
prostitute takes sardar's pennis in mouth and threatens him"1000 Rs. de varna kat doongi
sardar replies:- 5000 Rs. de varna susu kar doonga!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Dan got a frantic call from his blond girlfriend.
"I've got a problem," she said.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.
None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any
edges."
"What's the picture of?"
"A big rooster."
"All right, " Dan said. "I'll come over and take a look."
The woman led Dan into her kitchen and showed him the
puzzle on the table.
"For Pete's sake Buffy, put the Corn Flakes back in the box!"
General jokes
Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.
Little Johnny stood and thought, then said, "Teacher,
everybody thinks you are very beautiful."
"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"
"A good report card next month," he replied.
Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.
Little Johnny stood and thought, then said, "Teacher,
everybody thinks you are very beautiful."
"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"
"A good report card next month," he replied.
Lost Ball
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
Importance of a word
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor. "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind--either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK," says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," says the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stares at him in horror and screams, "* THAT'S the word!"
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor. "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind--either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK," says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," says the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stares at him in horror and screams, "* THAT'S the word!"
Importance of a name
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have *** with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have *** with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Here is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena, the Russian lady has just been hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the entire production line is behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, Wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The
Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. ...... .." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the entire production line is behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, Wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The
Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. ...... .." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time
on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively good
family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!
Maulana Abdul Kalam Azad is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a
cheaper car, the Ford.
Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is
pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.
Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot. They ask
why God hadn't given him anything. Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some
idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"
on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively good
family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!
Maulana Abdul Kalam Azad is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a
cheaper car, the Ford.
Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is
pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.
Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot. They ask
why God hadn't given him anything. Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some
idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sanjay was at school this morning in the outskirts and the teacher
asked all
the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical
answers
came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Businessman, Captain of
Industry etc, but
Sanjay was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked
him
about his father. "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and
takes off
all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really
good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them
sleep
with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
Sanjay
aside to ask him if that was really true. "No" said Sanjay, "He plays
cricket
for India but I was just too embarrassed to say."
asked all
the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical
answers
came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Businessman, Captain of
Industry etc, but
Sanjay was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked
him
about his father. "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and
takes off
all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really
good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them
sleep
with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
Sanjay
aside to ask him if that was really true. "No" said Sanjay, "He plays
cricket
for India but I was just too embarrassed to say."
little john asking his mom abt sex
Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must have been getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick…. a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that.
I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
"Anyway", sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go… I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by lying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel… I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eels are like cats…. they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.
Mother fainted
Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must have been getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick…. a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that.
I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
"Anyway", sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go… I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by lying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel… I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eels are like cats…. they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.
Mother fainted
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen Le beti kuch to pehan Le!
Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
Na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen Le beti kuch to pehan Le!
Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
Na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi
Dil se nikle joke
A Girl turns to her boyfriend in a crowded movie &
says,"honey, the guy beside me is masturbating !"
He says,"Ignore him".
She says,"I can't !, he is using my hand".
What is the similarity between Mobile & Marriage?
Thode Din Aur Ruk Jata To Thoda Acha Model Mil Jaata!!
Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back
A Girl turns to her boyfriend in a crowded movie &
says,"honey, the guy beside me is masturbating !"
He says,"Ignore him".
She says,"I can't !, he is using my hand".
What is the similarity between Mobile & Marriage?
Thode Din Aur Ruk Jata To Thoda Acha Model Mil Jaata!!
Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back
Dil se nikle joke
lady to doctor "a vibrator stuck in my pussy "
Doctor "laydown , I will take it out"
Lady "NO!, pls. change its battery".
A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o,kamliye sand wich kyon?, room
wich kyon nahi?
lady :" doctor, i feel very weak."
dr: " how many times do u have sex?"
lady: " 5 times, mon- fri."
dr: " cut down wed."lady:" but thats the only day I m with my
husband!
lady to doctor "a vibrator stuck in my pussy "
Doctor "laydown , I will take it out"
Lady "NO!, pls. change its battery".
A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o,kamliye sand wich kyon?, room
wich kyon nahi?
lady :" doctor, i feel very weak."
dr: " how many times do u have sex?"
lady: " 5 times, mon- fri."
dr: " cut down wed."lady:" but thats the only day I m with my
husband!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
baap or beta
ek barr ek aadmi apne 6 saal ke bachee ko cycle mai bitha kar market jaa raha hota hai, tabhi bacha do kutoo do chudai karte dekh leta hai or apne baap se kheta hai--- bapu bapuuu, ye kutta dusree per chada kyo hai, toh uska bapp sochata kya kahu, toh vo kheta hai -- betaa uper vala kutta bemar hai neeche valaa use doctor ke pass lejaa raha hai, toh bachaa kheta hai , bapuuu ek toh neeche valaa use doctar ke pass le ja raha hai uper se uper vala uskii gand mar raha hai............
ek barr ek aadmi apne 6 saal ke bachee ko cycle mai bitha kar market jaa raha hota hai, tabhi bacha do kutoo do chudai karte dekh leta hai or apne baap se kheta hai--- bapu bapuuu, ye kutta dusree per chada kyo hai, toh uska bapp sochata kya kahu, toh vo kheta hai -- betaa uper vala kutta bemar hai neeche valaa use doctor ke pass lejaa raha hai, toh bachaa kheta hai , bapuuu ek toh neeche valaa use doctar ke pass le ja raha hai uper se uper vala uskii gand mar raha hai............
a conversation b-w husband and wife..
W : jaanu.. kurta nikaal do.. tab ho jaayega..
H : nahii hua hai ab bhee..
W : ...salwar bhee nikaalo na.. dekh kya rahe ho...
H : ab bhee nahiin hua hai..
W : oh come on.. press it... tightly.. pusht it a bit.. ho jaayega
aisa karo.. tum baith jao us par.. phir to ho jaayega pakke se..
H : aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh ab hua na...
aisa pata hota toh pehle hee suitcase par baith jaata band karne ke liye
W : jaanu.. kurta nikaal do.. tab ho jaayega..
H : nahii hua hai ab bhee..
W : ...salwar bhee nikaalo na.. dekh kya rahe ho...
H : ab bhee nahiin hua hai..
W : oh come on.. press it... tightly.. pusht it a bit.. ho jaayega
aisa karo.. tum baith jao us par.. phir to ho jaayega pakke se..
H : aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh ab hua na...
aisa pata hota toh pehle hee suitcase par baith jaata band karne ke liye
Password Problem
Bhola calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with his password.
No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," he says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains,
"so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," he says,
"but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."
********
Bhola calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with his password.
No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," he says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains,
"so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," he says,
"but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."
********
Extreme sexual exhaustion
The teacher gave a writing assignment. He said the only excuss for not turning in the paper would be severe illness.
A student asked "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The teacher thought about it for a minute and responded "No. You'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
The teacher gave a writing assignment. He said the only excuss for not turning in the paper would be severe illness.
A student asked "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The teacher thought about it for a minute and responded "No. You'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
Various stages in girls life
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
Tattoo on dick
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."
The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?"
The man answers, "Three reasons:
I like to watch my money grow
I like to play with my money
And next time my wife wants to blow a-hundred bucks she won't have to leave the house!"
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."
The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?"
The man answers, "Three reasons:
I like to watch my money grow
I like to play with my money
And next time my wife wants to blow a-hundred bucks she won't have to leave the house!"
Oh Ladies
Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Please don't make me kill you.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later.
You KNOW you want me.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time!
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
Sorry Ladies ... I had to!
Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Please don't make me kill you.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later.
You KNOW you want me.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time!
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
Sorry Ladies ... I had to!
Repeat performance
A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital, and was embarrassed about it.
One of the Doctors, in an effort to console her, said, "Don t feel bad. Why, only two years ago a lady delivered in the front yard of the hospital."
With that the new mother burst out crying. "I know," she said. "That was me, too."
A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital, and was embarrassed about it.
One of the Doctors, in an effort to console her, said, "Don t feel bad. Why, only two years ago a lady delivered in the front yard of the hospital."
With that the new mother burst out crying. "I know," she said. "That was me, too."
Woman showing naked body in garden
A woman's garden was growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes wouldn't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she had tried them all.
So she went to her neighbor and asked, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?"
Her neighbor replied, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see."
It sounded strange, but she was very tired of green tomatoes, so she gave it a try.
The next day her neighbor asked how it had worked.
"So-so," she answered. "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer."
A woman's garden was growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes wouldn't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she had tried them all.
So she went to her neighbor and asked, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?"
Her neighbor replied, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see."
It sounded strange, but she was very tired of green tomatoes, so she gave it a try.
The next day her neighbor asked how it had worked.
"So-so," she answered. "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer."
Still a Virgin?
Bcoz NO-KIA
Why no Kiya?
Bcoz no eric-son
Why no erection?
Bcoz no sie-mens,
Why?
Bcoz No
mota-laura
So looking for
a re-alliance?
*********************************************
A Lady call the gynaecologist & asks ……….
have i forgotten my panties there……??
No says the gynaec..its not here….
Lady…..Never mind…..it must be at the Dentists place….
LOVE VS MARRIAGE
Joke: Love vs Marriage
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac.
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"
Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"
Joke: Love vs Marriage
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac.
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"
Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"
Friday, January 25, 2008
What is marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele-marketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride
You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
"You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele-marketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride
You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
"You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
EK ADMI NE NAI JAGAH PAR JOIN KIYA AUR BADE STYLE MAIN INTERCOM MILAYA AUR BOLA WAITER DO GLASS PANI AUR EK COFFEE LAO TURANT, DUSRI TARF SE AWAJ AAI TUMHE PATA HAI KI TUM KISSE BAT KAR RAHE USEN KAHA KI NAHI TO DUSERE NE BOLA KI MAIN ES COMPANY KA MANAGING DIRECTOR BOL RAHA HOON, TO US ADMI NE MANAGING DIRECTOR SE PUCHA TUMHE PATA HAI KI TUM KISSE BAT KAR RAHE HO TO MANAGING DIRECOR NE KAHA NAHI TO US ADMI NE TURANT PHONE RAKH DIA...........
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Sardar In Briefs !!!
Once a sardar was writing an exam and there was a Beautiful female invigilator. Sardar suddenly removed his clothes and remained in just briefs..
The lady shouted and asked sardar of his shameless act!!!
Sardar Replied !!! what can i do there is a question in the paper and the examiner asked to answer that question in """ BRIEF"""
Once a sardar was writing an exam and there was a Beautiful female invigilator. Sardar suddenly removed his clothes and remained in just briefs..
The lady shouted and asked sardar of his shameless act!!!
Sardar Replied !!! what can i do there is a question in the paper and the examiner asked to answer that question in """ BRIEF"""
Sardarji Ka Jawwab nahi
A Sardarji went to a bank to open his account, took an application form ! then suddenly went to Delhi and returned back after a while then again took a new form b,coz he had lost it while travelling and again went to Delhi.
When he returned back few days later he started shouting at the bank staff and there was a scene out there.
the manager intervened and took sardarji in his cabin offered him a tea then asked about his problem.
Sardarji replied """ Is this a way of cutomer service by the bank "" Sardar complained that in the application form it is mentioned """" WRITE IN CAPITAL"""
A Sardarji went to a bank to open his account, took an application form ! then suddenly went to Delhi and returned back after a while then again took a new form b,coz he had lost it while travelling and again went to Delhi.
When he returned back few days later he started shouting at the bank staff and there was a scene out there.
the manager intervened and took sardarji in his cabin offered him a tea then asked about his problem.
Sardarji replied """ Is this a way of cutomer service by the bank "" Sardar complained that in the application form it is mentioned """" WRITE IN CAPITAL"""
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
EK PATHAN SADAK KE KINARE PATHAR KUT RAHA THA.
SUDDENLY HE SUMMER SAULTS 6 FEET IN THE AIR AND
LANDS BACK IN SAME SQUATTING POSITION.
A PASSER BY IS IMPRESSED AND BEGS FOR A REPEAT
PERFORMANCE AND OFFERS rs 500.
PATHAN REFUSES SAYING: BEHENCHOD, 500 KYA, 50000
KE LIYE BHI PHIR LUND PAR HATHODA NAHIN MAROONGA !
SUDDENLY HE SUMMER SAULTS 6 FEET IN THE AIR AND
LANDS BACK IN SAME SQUATTING POSITION.
A PASSER BY IS IMPRESSED AND BEGS FOR A REPEAT
PERFORMANCE AND OFFERS rs 500.
PATHAN REFUSES SAYING: BEHENCHOD, 500 KYA, 50000
KE LIYE BHI PHIR LUND PAR HATHODA NAHIN MAROONGA !
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What is marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele-marketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride
You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
"You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
kuchh tabeeyat hee milee thee aisee, chain se jeene kee soorat na huee
jisko chaahaa usse apnaa na sake,jo milaa uss se muhabbat na huee
jis se ab tak mile dil hee se mile,dil jo badlaa to fasaanaa badalaa
rasme-duniyaa ko nibhaane ke liye hamse rishton kee tizaarat na huee
door se thaa vo kaee cheharon men,paas se koee bhee vaisaa na lagaa
bevafaaee bhee usee kaa thaa chalan,phir kisee se bhee shikaayat na huee
waqt roothaa rahaa bachche kee tarhaan rah main koee khilonaa na milaa
dostee bhee to nibhaaee na gayee dushmanee main bhee adaavat na huee
jisko chaahaa usse apnaa na sake,jo milaa uss se muhabbat na huee
jis se ab tak mile dil hee se mile,dil jo badlaa to fasaanaa badalaa
rasme-duniyaa ko nibhaane ke liye hamse rishton kee tizaarat na huee
door se thaa vo kaee cheharon men,paas se koee bhee vaisaa na lagaa
bevafaaee bhee usee kaa thaa chalan,phir kisee se bhee shikaayat na huee
waqt roothaa rahaa bachche kee tarhaan rah main koee khilonaa na milaa
dostee bhee to nibhaaee na gayee dushmanee main bhee adaavat na huee
Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni BHABI KE dekh.
Santa runing after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver: "Ye bus teri Ma lagti hai?"
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To kya Behan lagti hai?
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?
Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.
Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!
Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade.
When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee, Yahi thee"
Judge : Why do u want divorce?
Banta : She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu yaha ka collector laga hai? Sari colony khush hai, ik tamari agg nahin bujati.
HI
EK BAAR EK AURAT MARNE KE BAAD JISKA PATI PEHLE HI MAR CHUKA HOTA HAI , BHAGWAN KE PAAS JATI HAI . AUR WOH BHAGWAN SE PUCHTI HAI KYA APNE MERE PATI GARIB CHAND KO DEKHA HAI?
YAMRAJ KEHTA HAI ," YAHA PAR TO BAHOT SAARE GARIBCHAND KEHTE HAI , TUM KOI DUSRI PEHCHAN BATAO.
UNKI PARCHUNE KI DUKAN THI , AURAT KEHTI HAI.
YAMRAJ KEHTE HAI AUR PAHCHAN BATAO .
MERE PATI NA KAHA THA JAB ME BEWAFAI KARUNGI TO USKI ATMA ZOR SE SWARG ME CHAKKAR KATEGI.
YAMRAJ- ACHCHA WOH GARIB CHAND USKO TO MENE APNE KAMRE MEIN PANKHE KI JAGAH TAANG RAKHA HAI.
EK BAAR EK AURAT MARNE KE BAAD JISKA PATI PEHLE HI MAR CHUKA HOTA HAI , BHAGWAN KE PAAS JATI HAI . AUR WOH BHAGWAN SE PUCHTI HAI KYA APNE MERE PATI GARIB CHAND KO DEKHA HAI?
YAMRAJ KEHTA HAI ," YAHA PAR TO BAHOT SAARE GARIBCHAND KEHTE HAI , TUM KOI DUSRI PEHCHAN BATAO.
UNKI PARCHUNE KI DUKAN THI , AURAT KEHTI HAI.
YAMRAJ KEHTE HAI AUR PAHCHAN BATAO .
MERE PATI NA KAHA THA JAB ME BEWAFAI KARUNGI TO USKI ATMA ZOR SE SWARG ME CHAKKAR KATEGI.
YAMRAJ- ACHCHA WOH GARIB CHAND USKO TO MENE APNE KAMRE MEIN PANKHE KI JAGAH TAANG RAKHA HAI.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Love Jokes
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar,
the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher.
She then called on Little Tommy.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,
"Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful !"
*******
ROZ COLLEGE AA'TEE HO
DU'PAT'TAY SAY KYA CHU'PATI HO
AB HUM MAR GAYEE HAE KYA
JO KITAABO SAY DABATEE HO
AIK MUM'MA DOSRAY MUM'MAY SAY KEHTA HAE
SALA YEH LUND SAB SAY ZEYADA DARD DAE'TA HAE AUR PAK'RAY HUM JAA'TA HAE
ADAB-O-AHTARAM KI HAD KYA HO SAKTEE HAE?
"KAE AAP MUM'MAY KAE NIMPLES KO STRAW SAY SUCK KARAY"
99.99% LARKIYOU KAE LEFT MUM'MA BARA Q HOUTAY HAE.
Q KAE 99.99% LARKAY RIGHT HANDED HOUTAY HAE
baal baal bache!!!!!!!!
Ek baar sardar ji apni biwi ke saath scooter pe jaa rahe hote hain......tabhi unka khada ho jata hai aur wo biwi se lun.... masalne ko kehte hain.......
biwi lun.. dabati jati hai aur sardarji scooter ka accelerator..........tabhi samne se truck aa jati hai ......dono scooter se kood jate hain....
biwi: baal bal bache!!!!!!!!!
sardarji: haan ,,baal hi to bache hain lun... to tumhare haath mein hai....[:)]
Ek baar sardar ji apni biwi ke saath scooter pe jaa rahe hote hain......tabhi unka khada ho jata hai aur wo biwi se lun.... masalne ko kehte hain.......
biwi lun.. dabati jati hai aur sardarji scooter ka accelerator..........tabhi samne se truck aa jati hai ......dono scooter se kood jate hain....
biwi: baal bal bache!!!!!!!!!
sardarji: haan ,,baal hi to bache hain lun... to tumhare haath mein hai....[:)]
try this one guys!!!!!!!!!
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"......................[:)]
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"......................[:)]
Mastram's math class.....
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!".....................[:)]
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!".....................[:)]
whats a penguin!!!!!!!!
A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says, "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see!!!"
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin." Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!?"
A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says, "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see!!!"
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin." Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!?"
what a coincidence.........
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, " How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman
"What a coincidence ," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied
"What a coincidence," she said
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, " How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman
"What a coincidence ," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied
"What a coincidence," she said
Japanese Prostitute
A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.
Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.
Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.
As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".
All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"
A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.
Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.
Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.
As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".
All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"
Some NEw Ones
1) The night was dark, the moon was high,
I stopped my car....u wondered why?
I leant so close, u felt shy.
I uttered those three words....
I ......la.... ...puncture !!
2) Friends r like mirrors
they r our reflection |
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
3) You - cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = liar.
4) I have a confession to make, ever since I have
known u,
Its kinda hard for me to forget u.
Every night u appear in my dreams
And I find my self shouting.... .
BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!!
5) I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again. *****
6) Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
7) u r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky
u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice
and u r 100% stupid to believe these words
8) If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
9) Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
1) The night was dark, the moon was high,
I stopped my car....u wondered why?
I leant so close, u felt shy.
I uttered those three words....
I ......la.... ...puncture !!
2) Friends r like mirrors
they r our reflection |
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
3) You - cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = liar.
4) I have a confession to make, ever since I have
known u,
Its kinda hard for me to forget u.
Every night u appear in my dreams
And I find my self shouting.... .
BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!!
5) I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again. *****
6) Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
7) u r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky
u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice
and u r 100% stupid to believe these words
8) If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
9) Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
Monday, January 14, 2008
A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"
A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens her legs recieves happines
1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, 'HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?'
A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens her legs recieves happines
1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, 'HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?'
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse phoned!"
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse phoned!"
boss n secretary
A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.
He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"
The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.
Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.
Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.
The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.
Boss: You're hired!
A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.
He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"
The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.
Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.
Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.
The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.
Boss: You're hired!
Don't Rub This!
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!
• Good: Your wife is pregnant
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago
• Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer
• Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
• Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them
• Good: Your wife is pregnant
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago
• Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer
• Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
• Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them
Making Love To...
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.
A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.
And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.
A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.
And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.
An Hour of Pleasure
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
After the Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
Nayee Gaadi
Ek ladki apne boyfriend ke sath nai gaadi main long drive par ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se gaddi chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....ladky ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha..........
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
Ek ladki apne boyfriend ke sath nai gaadi main long drive par ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se gaddi chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....ladky ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha..........
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
what women would do if they had a penis for a day what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
Joke of the year
Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai.. Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain... Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai... kuch is tarah se...
Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?
Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.
Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?
Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.
Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?
Mujrim : Abhi kya na... Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya...
Chaman : Phir ?
Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...
Chaman : Aage bol
Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi
Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..
Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun builidng ke neeche gaya
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol
Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya
Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?
Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey bol
Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya
Chaman : Accha... Phir?
Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka
Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de
Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?
Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya
Chaman : To phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega..... zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.... Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Toh phir ?
Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.
Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)
Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya.... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey bol ?
Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey aagey ?
Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di
Chaman : sahi mein?
Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li
Chaman : Accha ?
Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya
Chaman : oh !!
Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhai k! a area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..
Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi
Chaman : (Half Boiling)
Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley....
Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasam se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman: Abey teri to.... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Ch*daney..... tu aage bol !
Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur game baja dala.!!!
Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai.. Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain... Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai... kuch is tarah se...
Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?
Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.
Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?
Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.
Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?
Mujrim : Abhi kya na... Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya...
Chaman : Phir ?
Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...
Chaman : Aage bol
Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi
Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..
Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun builidng ke neeche gaya
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol
Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya
Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?
Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey bol
Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya
Chaman : Accha... Phir?
Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka
Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de
Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?
Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya
Chaman : To phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega..... zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.... Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Toh phir ?
Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.
Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)
Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya.... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey bol ?
Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di
Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : Aagey aagey ?
Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di
Chaman : sahi mein?
Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li
Chaman : Accha ?
Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya
Chaman : oh !!
Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhai k! a area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..
Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi
Chaman : (Half Boiling)
Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley....
Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasam se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"
Chaman: Abey teri to.... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Ch*daney..... tu aage bol !
Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur game baja dala.!!!
Newton's law:
Eleven Important Laws Which Great Newton Forgot to State....... .. THOUGHT
1 LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
2 LAW OF TELEPHONE : When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
3 LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
4 LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
5 LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.( So do not lie to boss ).
6 BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
7 LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8 LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will !
9 LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10 THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
11. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Eleven Important Laws Which Great Newton Forgot to State....... .. THOUGHT
1 LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
2 LAW OF TELEPHONE : When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
3 LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
4 LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
5 LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.( So do not lie to boss ).
6 BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
7 LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8 LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will !
9 LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10 THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
11. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Aishwarya Rai
After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
GIRL: I have commited a great sin.
I called my boyfriend a Madarchod.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that is not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod.
GIRL: But, he put his hand inside my blouse.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean......like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean.....like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod..
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean........like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod either.
GIRL: But, he told me he had AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: YOU Madarchod.!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called my boyfriend a Madarchod.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that is not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod.
GIRL: But, he put his hand inside my blouse.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean......like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean.....like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod..
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean........like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a Madarchod either.
GIRL: But, he told me he had AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: YOU Madarchod.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
footprints
Story : 1 One day a man was having a conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you." Story : 2 Another day a S/W Programmer was having a similar conversation with his PM when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
Story : 1 One day a man was having a conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you." Story : 2 Another day a S/W Programmer was having a similar conversation with his PM when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
World Cup
there was one Indian and one black man in a turkish hammam.
While taking bath the black man ask indian why you wrote AR at your ASS.
The Indian hesitantly said, this is my wife name's initials.
Black man asked what do you mean by AR.
He said Aishwariya Rai.
The Indian found that the Black man also had tatoo at his ASS and was written fgwcj.
The Indian asked black man, you love your wife also and you also wrote her initials at your ASS.
Whats her name, the Indian asked him anxiously.
Black man laugh and said nothing man.
It is sounds, World XXXXXing Girls World Cup in Jamaica.
there was one Indian and one black man in a turkish hammam.
While taking bath the black man ask indian why you wrote AR at your ASS.
The Indian hesitantly said, this is my wife name's initials.
Black man asked what do you mean by AR.
He said Aishwariya Rai.
The Indian found that the Black man also had tatoo at his ASS and was written fgwcj.
The Indian asked black man, you love your wife also and you also wrote her initials at your ASS.
Whats her name, the Indian asked him anxiously.
Black man laugh and said nothing man.
It is sounds, World XXXXXing Girls World Cup in Jamaica.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Ravan ki Bees Ankhen thi.....................
EK DOST DUSRE DOST SE : RAVAN KI BEES ANKHEIN THI . PAR NAZAR EK AURAT PAR.
AUR TUMHARI DO ANKHEIN HEI AUR NAZAR HAR EK AURAT PER.
ONE FRIEND TO OTHER : RAVAN HAS TWENTY EYES, BUT WANT A SITA ONLY. MEANS A WOMAN.
YOU HAVE TWO EYES BUT HAVE ALL THE WOMAN IN TWO SIGHT.
EK DOST DUSRE DOST SE : RAVAN KI BEES ANKHEIN THI . PAR NAZAR EK AURAT PAR.
AUR TUMHARI DO ANKHEIN HEI AUR NAZAR HAR EK AURAT PER.
ONE FRIEND TO OTHER : RAVAN HAS TWENTY EYES, BUT WANT A SITA ONLY. MEANS A WOMAN.
YOU HAVE TWO EYES BUT HAVE ALL THE WOMAN IN TWO SIGHT.
Free incomming and outgoing
EK ADMI MARNE KE BAD NARK MAIN PAHUNCH JATA AHI AUR EK DIN YAMRAJ KE PASS JATA HAI AUR KEHTA HAI KI MUJHE APNI BIWI KO PHONE KARNA HAI, YAMRAJ USE PHONE DE DETE HAIN, BIWI SE BAT KARNE KE BAD ADMI YAMARJ SE PUCHTA HAI HI CALL KE KITNE PAISE HUE TO YAMRAN BOLE KUCH NAHI TO ADMI BOLA KUIN? YAMRAJ BOLE NARK SE NARK TAK CALL FREE HAI.
EK ADMI MARNE KE BAD NARK MAIN PAHUNCH JATA AHI AUR EK DIN YAMRAJ KE PASS JATA HAI AUR KEHTA HAI KI MUJHE APNI BIWI KO PHONE KARNA HAI, YAMRAJ USE PHONE DE DETE HAIN, BIWI SE BAT KARNE KE BAD ADMI YAMARJ SE PUCHTA HAI HI CALL KE KITNE PAISE HUE TO YAMRAN BOLE KUCH NAHI TO ADMI BOLA KUIN? YAMRAJ BOLE NARK SE NARK TAK CALL FREE HAI.
EK ADMI NE NAI JAGAH PAR JOIN KIYA AUR BADE STYLE MAIN INTERCOM MILAYA AUR BOLA WAITER DO GLASS PANI AUR EK COFFEE LAO TURANT, DUSRI TARF SE AWAJ AAI TUMHE PATA HAI KI TUM KISSE BAT KAR RAHE USEN KAHA KI NAHI TO DUSERE NE BOLA KI MAIN ES COMPANY KA MANAGING DIRECTOR BOL RAHA HOON, TO US ADMI NE MANAGING DIRECTOR SE PUCHA TUMHE PATA HAI KI TUM KISSE BAT KAR RAHE HO TO MANAGING DIRECOR NE KAHA NAHI TO US ADMI NE TURANT PHONE RAKH DIA...........
A laady travelling in a bus was continuously sneezing and was rubbing her nose with a towel. After some time, as the hankerchief got wet she thrws away it outside and searches inside her blouse for another one. She couldnt find a second one and was perplexed. A man sitting nearby asks her what happened. She replies moving her arm inside the blouse i had two numbers but coudlnt find the second.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
FIGHTING IN A BUS
BAS MEIN BAHUT BHEED THI .EK LADY APNE BACHE KO APNA DOODH PILA RAHI THI EK AGED MAN WAHA BIDI PE RAHA HOTA HAI .
WOMAN GOT ANGRY & SAID "TAU DIKHTA NAHI SEAT KE UPAR LIKHA HAI KI BUS MEIN BIDI CIGARETTE PINA MANA HAI .
BUDDHE NE JAWAAB DIYA MUJHE TO DIKHTA HAI TUMHE NAHI DIKHTA KI BUS MEIN YE BHI LIKHA HAI KI SHARIR KA KOI ANG BAHAR NA NIKALE
BAS MEIN BAHUT BHEED THI .EK LADY APNE BACHE KO APNA DOODH PILA RAHI THI EK AGED MAN WAHA BIDI PE RAHA HOTA HAI .
WOMAN GOT ANGRY & SAID "TAU DIKHTA NAHI SEAT KE UPAR LIKHA HAI KI BUS MEIN BIDI CIGARETTE PINA MANA HAI .
BUDDHE NE JAWAAB DIYA MUJHE TO DIKHTA HAI TUMHE NAHI DIKHTA KI BUS MEIN YE BHI LIKHA HAI KI SHARIR KA KOI ANG BAHAR NA NIKALE
Large Growth
Dr Rastogi joined as professor in Medical College. It was his first day at Medical College as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.
To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy". He gazed across the classroom, spotted a sparkling female student Supriti, and said, "Tell me Supriti, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?" Hearing this question, Supriti's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question". Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query. This time he located a male student Himanshu, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead. Himanshu answered: "pupil of a human eye". The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Supriti and said: "look, Supriti, I am sorry but, I must tell you that your Expectations are too high!!!!!!!(10 times..........huh......MY GOD!!)
Dr Rastogi joined as professor in Medical College. It was his first day at Medical College as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.
To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy". He gazed across the classroom, spotted a sparkling female student Supriti, and said, "Tell me Supriti, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?" Hearing this question, Supriti's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question". Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query. This time he located a male student Himanshu, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead. Himanshu answered: "pupil of a human eye". The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Supriti and said: "look, Supriti, I am sorry but, I must tell you that your Expectations are too high!!!!!!!(10 times..........huh......MY GOD!!)
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