Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Love Jokes
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar,
the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher.
She then called on Little Tommy.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,
"Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful !"
*******
ROZ COLLEGE AA'TEE HO
DU'PAT'TAY SAY KYA CHU'PATI HO
AB HUM MAR GAYEE HAE KYA
JO KITAABO SAY DABATEE HO
AIK MUM'MA DOSRAY MUM'MAY SAY KEHTA HAE
SALA YEH LUND SAB SAY ZEYADA DARD DAE'TA HAE AUR PAK'RAY HUM JAA'TA HAE
ADAB-O-AHTARAM KI HAD KYA HO SAKTEE HAE?
"KAE AAP MUM'MAY KAE NIMPLES KO STRAW SAY SUCK KARAY"
99.99% LARKIYOU KAE LEFT MUM'MA BARA Q HOUTAY HAE.
Q KAE 99.99% LARKAY RIGHT HANDED HOUTAY HAE
baal baal bache!!!!!!!!
Ek baar sardar ji apni biwi ke saath scooter pe jaa rahe hote hain......tabhi unka khada ho jata hai aur wo biwi se lun.... masalne ko kehte hain.......
biwi lun.. dabati jati hai aur sardarji scooter ka accelerator..........tabhi samne se truck aa jati hai ......dono scooter se kood jate hain....
biwi: baal bal bache!!!!!!!!!
sardarji: haan ,,baal hi to bache hain lun... to tumhare haath mein hai....[:)]
Ek baar sardar ji apni biwi ke saath scooter pe jaa rahe hote hain......tabhi unka khada ho jata hai aur wo biwi se lun.... masalne ko kehte hain.......
biwi lun.. dabati jati hai aur sardarji scooter ka accelerator..........tabhi samne se truck aa jati hai ......dono scooter se kood jate hain....
biwi: baal bal bache!!!!!!!!!
sardarji: haan ,,baal hi to bache hain lun... to tumhare haath mein hai....[:)]
try this one guys!!!!!!!!!
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"......................[:)]
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"......................[:)]
Mastram's math class.....
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!".....................[:)]
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!".....................[:)]
whats a penguin!!!!!!!!
A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says, "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see!!!"
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin." Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!?"
A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says, "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see!!!"
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin." Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!?"
what a coincidence.........
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, " How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman
"What a coincidence ," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied
"What a coincidence," she said
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, " How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman
"What a coincidence ," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied
"What a coincidence," she said
Japanese Prostitute
A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.
Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.
Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.
As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".
All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"
A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.
Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.
Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.
As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".
All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"
Some NEw Ones
1) The night was dark, the moon was high,
I stopped my car....u wondered why?
I leant so close, u felt shy.
I uttered those three words....
I ......la.... ...puncture !!
2) Friends r like mirrors
they r our reflection |
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
3) You - cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = liar.
4) I have a confession to make, ever since I have
known u,
Its kinda hard for me to forget u.
Every night u appear in my dreams
And I find my self shouting.... .
BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!!
5) I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again. *****
6) Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
7) u r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky
u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice
and u r 100% stupid to believe these words
8) If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
9) Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
1) The night was dark, the moon was high,
I stopped my car....u wondered why?
I leant so close, u felt shy.
I uttered those three words....
I ......la.... ...puncture !!
2) Friends r like mirrors
they r our reflection |
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
3) You - cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = liar.
4) I have a confession to make, ever since I have
known u,
Its kinda hard for me to forget u.
Every night u appear in my dreams
And I find my self shouting.... .
BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!!
5) I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again. *****
6) Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
7) u r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky
u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice
and u r 100% stupid to believe these words
8) If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
9) Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
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