Bhai Ka Resume


Pakya Bhai Supariwala urf Yeda Khopadi



Objective:

To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)


Education:

* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994

* M.S. (Criminal Sciences ) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.



Thesis:

"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"



Coursework:

Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design



Work Experience:

* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991

* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project

* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)



Summer Internship:

Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay , June1987-July1990

* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings

* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections



Honors & Achievements:

* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)

* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter

* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.

* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.

* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.

As the crowded elevator descended down Bihar Bhavan, Rabri Devi became increasingly furious with her husband, Laloo Yadav, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the beautiful girl suddenly whirled, slapped Laloo, and said, 'That will teach you to pinch!'

Bewildered, Laloo Yadav was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, 'I... I... didn't pinch that girl.'

'Of course you didn't,' said Rabri, consolingly. 'I did.'

One Bengali Babu went to Cannought Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. He had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi also. Bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost?

Shopkeeper: Rs. 200

Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100?

Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150.

Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?

Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.

Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50?

Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!!

Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in India when a young Indian lawyer approached him and asked, 'Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?'

When told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Hindi. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

'No, no,' he replied. 'We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks.'

What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?

-An Oto.




Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress?

- Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Who found out that?

-His aandy.




What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?

-He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin
Curren.

Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?

-Because he wanted to hear pope music.




What is Malayali management graduate called?

-Yem Bee Yae.





Why did his wife divorce him?

- Because he was louwing another woman.

Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

-To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.




Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?

-To yearn money.




What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?


-He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

Name the wronly part of the world, where Malayalis don't work hard?

-Kerala




Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

-Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

Teacher say to student: Aapne baap ka nam english me bolo?

Student: Beautiful Red underwear.

Teacher: Iska kya matlab? Student: Sunder Lal Chadda

Ek bar chuhe ki bibi ko ek hathi ne ched diya,

chuhe ki bibi hathi ki bibi ke pas jati hai or usse kahti hai ki aapne pati ko samja lo verna dhik nahi hoga kyuki mard hamare ghar me bhi hai.

EK STUDENT THA JO TEACHER KE HAR SAWAL PAR USKI BOLTI BAND KAR DEYA KARTA THA

TO TEACHER NE USKI JHAND KARNE KI PLANING BANAI USNE CLASS KE DUSARE STUDENT SE KAHA KI AAJ MAIN EK SAWAL POOCHUNGA KI

EK AADMI KITNI BALTI UTHA SAKTA HAI TO SABHI KEHNA KI 3 US STUDENT KE AANE KE BAAD WOHI SAWAL POOCHA TO SABHI NE 3 HI JAWAB DIYA

TAB US SE POOCHA TO USNE KAHA 5 TO TEACHER NE POOCHA KAISA TO USNE KAHA 2 MERE HATTON ME

OR JISNE 3 UTHA RAKHI HAI USKO MERE US PAR BETHA LOONGA!