The Sexy Secretary.

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary,

so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner.

It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky,

so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him.

Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!""

Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse." Look what he did to my tits!"

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having...

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingtrouble picking suitable outfits.

After a while the wife got madand stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later she came backcompletely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out ofthe room himself.

Twenty minutes passed and then he came backhimself with a potato around his dick.

The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".

The Costume Party

A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween,

but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her,

because she said she had a terrible headache.

The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was.

She put on a different costume and went to the party.

When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume.

Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test.

She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom.

She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him.

Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return.

When he got there, she innocently asked if he'd had fun.

He told her he hadn't. After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker.

He added, "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!"

Exposing Drunk!

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"

Sexy Barmaid

Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.

"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."

Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.

"I can feel you," she cried.

"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"

Seems that God was just about done creating the universe.

The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.

He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. "It can be very handy,"

God explained to Adam and Eve. "Would either of you like that ability?"

Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me!

It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful."

Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam's display.

She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn't mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up.

And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up.

Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. "Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."