Error Messages

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,

stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,

stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Types of Girls

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day...

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said,

"Now look Sharon, Iknow we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.

I expectyou to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.

The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as youplease around here ?"

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,...

." My lawyer."

Gay Bars

A dude named Henry really hates fags. Anyway, he moves into a new neighborhood and decides to go check out the bars.

As he strolls along, he keeps seeing signs with: "We serve gays" written on them.

He's really pissed off by them, but decides to keep searching. Eventually, his hard work pays off and he comes to bar that doesn't say anything about serving gays.

So, he goes inside and takes a seat at the main counter. While the bartender is pouring Henry a nice, cool Bud Light, Henry says, "I'm sure glad that this bar doesn't have any of those d*mn signs saying that ya serve gays!"

The bartender replies, "Oh, but we do. It's right over there on the floor..."

Henry gets off of the stool and bends over to look at it.

It reads: "Brace Yourself!"

The little sexy housewife was built so well...

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request.

But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness.

A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . .

"The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

Exposing Drunk!

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"

Sexy Barmaid

Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.

"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."

Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.

"I can feel you," she cried.

"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"