Friday, February 8, 2008
An old farmer went to town to see a movie.
The Ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky. Wherever I go Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir," Said the Ticket agent, "We can't allow animals In the theatre."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed The bird in his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket, entered the theatre and sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
" Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me Is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" Asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about It," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so too," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn.
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.
He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, Not with a carnation."
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.
He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, Not with a carnation."
Mast hai Baapppppppppp
Pati Chalo Kartein hain
Patni Nahin Munna aaj hamare saath soya hai.. dekh lega..
Pati Nahin Woh to kab ka so chuka, Please kartein hain..
Patni Nahin Aaj Mood Nahin
Pati Please Maan Jao, Tumhe kal ghumane le jaunga...
Patni Nahin..
Pati Please Maan Jao, Tumhe Diamond Necklace Le ke doonga
Patni Nahin..
Pati Please maan Jao, Tumhare Liye Nayee Car Le Ayoonga.
Patni Nahin Nahin...
Munna Baapu mere saath kar lo, par mujhe cycle la do !!
Pati Chalo Kartein hain
Patni Nahin Munna aaj hamare saath soya hai.. dekh lega..
Pati Nahin Woh to kab ka so chuka, Please kartein hain..
Patni Nahin Aaj Mood Nahin
Pati Please Maan Jao, Tumhe kal ghumane le jaunga...
Patni Nahin..
Pati Please Maan Jao, Tumhe Diamond Necklace Le ke doonga
Patni Nahin..
Pati Please maan Jao, Tumhare Liye Nayee Car Le Ayoonga.
Patni Nahin Nahin...
Munna Baapu mere saath kar lo, par mujhe cycle la do !!
In an Automobile Engineering Degree Final Exam it was asked ' Design a best, ideal vehicle of the world.'
On the answer sheet a guy drew a sketch of a Woman and captioned "THE SAFEST, MOST AUTO-LOGICAL, USER FRIENDLY VEHICLE OF THE WORLD."
The perplexed examiner sends the boy a note asking him to justify his answer.
The boy explains in this way-
It is SAFEST
Because it has 4 bumpers-
2 in front & 2 at the back.
It is AUTO-LOGICAL
Because
(a) It is SELF LUBRICANT when HOT.
(b) It auto changes its ENGINE OIL every month.
It is USER FRIENDLY
Because
Every PISTON fits .!!!!11
On the answer sheet a guy drew a sketch of a Woman and captioned "THE SAFEST, MOST AUTO-LOGICAL, USER FRIENDLY VEHICLE OF THE WORLD."
The perplexed examiner sends the boy a note asking him to justify his answer.
The boy explains in this way-
It is SAFEST
Because it has 4 bumpers-
2 in front & 2 at the back.
It is AUTO-LOGICAL
Because
(a) It is SELF LUBRICANT when HOT.
(b) It auto changes its ENGINE OIL every month.
It is USER FRIENDLY
Because
Every PISTON fits .!!!!11
The husband, wife and the five year old son in the family nudist colony. After the initial shock of nudes running around, they go to the beach of the resort.
The wife lays down in the sand for the tan of her life. Husband takes a leave to mingle around. The boy goes out near the water and plays with the sand.
After a while boy comes to Mom and asks, "why some of the women have bigger chest than you?".
Mom replies, "they are dumb".
The boy goes back and plays for a while, then comes back with another question, "why some of the men have bigger thing than Dad?
Mom replies, " They are dumber".
The boy goes out and plays for a while. He comes back after awhile and tells Mom,
"Dad is talking to a dumb Blonde and he is getting dumber".
The wife lays down in the sand for the tan of her life. Husband takes a leave to mingle around. The boy goes out near the water and plays with the sand.
After a while boy comes to Mom and asks, "why some of the women have bigger chest than you?".
Mom replies, "they are dumb".
The boy goes back and plays for a while, then comes back with another question, "why some of the men have bigger thing than Dad?
Mom replies, " They are dumber".
The boy goes out and plays for a while. He comes back after awhile and tells Mom,
"Dad is talking to a dumb Blonde and he is getting dumber".
Things You Really Shouldn't Say During Sex
* Is it in yet?
* (phone rings) Hello? Oh, nothin', and you?
* Do I have to pay for this?
* You look better in the dark.
* I think that goes in the other hole...
* Hey! My mom has that same bra...
* I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
* Hurry up, the game is about to start.
* ZzZzZz
* Are you trynna be funny?
* Can I have a ride home after this?
* Are those real?
* Is that smell coming from you?
* Haven't you ever done this before?
* I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?
* You're so much like your sister....
* Your mom is really cute.
* What's your name again?
* Do I have to be here in the mornin'?
* A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
* But you just started!
* Don't touch that!
* Smile for the camera, honey!
* I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
* I knew you wore a padded bra!
* You wanted me to use a condom?
* Hold on, let me change the channel...
* Hope you don't mind I left my boots on.
* Hurry up, the motor's runnin'.
* Stop breathin'...you're foggin' up the wind-shield.
* Stop innerruptin' me!
* It's okay, honey, I can imagine that it's bigger.
* God, I wish you were a real woman.
* Why can't you ever shave your legs?
* How much do I owe you?
* How come we each have a penis?
* Just use your finger, its bigger.
* Does your family have to watch?
* We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
* Get off me, I'll do it myself!
* Watch...my mom taught me this...
* Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
* Should I ask why you're bleedin'?
* I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
* Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
* Is it okay if I tell my friends about this?
* I'm sob'rin' up and you're gettin' ugly!
* Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
* You don't sweat much for a fat chick
* Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
* Can you take it out for a minute, I have to fart
* Is it in yet?
* (phone rings) Hello? Oh, nothin', and you?
* Do I have to pay for this?
* You look better in the dark.
* I think that goes in the other hole...
* Hey! My mom has that same bra...
* I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
* Hurry up, the game is about to start.
* ZzZzZz
* Are you trynna be funny?
* Can I have a ride home after this?
* Are those real?
* Is that smell coming from you?
* Haven't you ever done this before?
* I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?
* You're so much like your sister....
* Your mom is really cute.
* What's your name again?
* Do I have to be here in the mornin'?
* A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
* But you just started!
* Don't touch that!
* Smile for the camera, honey!
* I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
* I knew you wore a padded bra!
* You wanted me to use a condom?
* Hold on, let me change the channel...
* Hope you don't mind I left my boots on.
* Hurry up, the motor's runnin'.
* Stop breathin'...you're foggin' up the wind-shield.
* Stop innerruptin' me!
* It's okay, honey, I can imagine that it's bigger.
* God, I wish you were a real woman.
* Why can't you ever shave your legs?
* How much do I owe you?
* How come we each have a penis?
* Just use your finger, its bigger.
* Does your family have to watch?
* We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
* Get off me, I'll do it myself!
* Watch...my mom taught me this...
* Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
* Should I ask why you're bleedin'?
* I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
* Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
* Is it okay if I tell my friends about this?
* I'm sob'rin' up and you're gettin' ugly!
* Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
* You don't sweat much for a fat chick
* Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
* Can you take it out for a minute, I have to fart
A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takeshis seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees an extremely attractivewoman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straighttowards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"
She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annualSexologists' Convention." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has everseen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to containhis excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's yourbusiness role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of thepopular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths arethose?" Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are thebest endowed when, in fact, it's the Sardar ji who is most likely topossess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the mostsensitive lovers, when actually it is the Bengali. However, we havefound that the best potential lover in sensuousness is the Tamilian." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes."I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don'teven know your name!" "Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But my friends call me Santa Singh!"
She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annualSexologists' Convention." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has everseen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to containhis excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's yourbusiness role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of thepopular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths arethose?" Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are thebest endowed when, in fact, it's the Sardar ji who is most likely topossess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the mostsensitive lovers, when actually it is the Bengali. However, we havefound that the best potential lover in sensuousness is the Tamilian." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes."I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don'teven know your name!" "Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But my friends call me Santa Singh!"
A priest and a nun are travelling on a camel's back through the big Sahara Desert. While they are in the middle of the big desert the camel falls sick and dies.
The priest and the nun realize that without the camel it is not going to be easy surviving the desert and take it for granted that they are doomed to die. The Priest after a while says to the Nun, since we are both going to die and all through our life we did not get to enjoy the real life it wont matter if we indulge in the realities of nature. The nun agrees and say now that they are doomed to die it would not matter if they too would succumb to the pleasure of nature that eluded them all the time. So the priest tells the Nun that although he had ben instrumental with talking to many women he had always fascinated for women breats and as such he had never an opportunity to touch a woman's breast, so now that we are going to die does it matter if he had a feeling of the Nun's breast.
The Nun sees no wrong and drops her cloak. The priest fondles the Nun's breast to his hearts content. After a While the Nun tells the priest that although she has come acroos many a handsome men she never had an opportunity to feel a Man's Dick and that now that she is doomed to die it would not matter if she could see and feel his Dick.
The priest hearing this drops his trousers and the Nun proceeds to have a feeling of his Manhood by careesing the Dick. While in the process the Priest develops a huge Hard On and starts telling the Nun about what different things a Dick of a Man can do and that it being the most endowed organ God having bestowed on the Man and if this thing can be inserted in the right place can give a New life etc. thinking that the Nun would oblige for Sex.
The Nun listens carefully to the Priest about his praising and after while tells the Priest " Father if this can give life back then why the hell are you wasting your time! Shove it up the dead Camel's Hole and give it life and we can be on our way home".
The priest and the nun realize that without the camel it is not going to be easy surviving the desert and take it for granted that they are doomed to die. The Priest after a while says to the Nun, since we are both going to die and all through our life we did not get to enjoy the real life it wont matter if we indulge in the realities of nature. The nun agrees and say now that they are doomed to die it would not matter if they too would succumb to the pleasure of nature that eluded them all the time. So the priest tells the Nun that although he had ben instrumental with talking to many women he had always fascinated for women breats and as such he had never an opportunity to touch a woman's breast, so now that we are going to die does it matter if he had a feeling of the Nun's breast.
The Nun sees no wrong and drops her cloak. The priest fondles the Nun's breast to his hearts content. After a While the Nun tells the priest that although she has come acroos many a handsome men she never had an opportunity to feel a Man's Dick and that now that she is doomed to die it would not matter if she could see and feel his Dick.
The priest hearing this drops his trousers and the Nun proceeds to have a feeling of his Manhood by careesing the Dick. While in the process the Priest develops a huge Hard On and starts telling the Nun about what different things a Dick of a Man can do and that it being the most endowed organ God having bestowed on the Man and if this thing can be inserted in the right place can give a New life etc. thinking that the Nun would oblige for Sex.
The Nun listens carefully to the Priest about his praising and after while tells the Priest " Father if this can give life back then why the hell are you wasting your time! Shove it up the dead Camel's Hole and give it life and we can be on our way home".
Delhi'se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuchh budhyijibi type ke log sawar thhe..woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya stor ke batien kar rahe thhe...
upar ke birth par so rahe ek gramin ko bahat pareshani ho rahi thhi....
batien karte karte ek sajjan bole..."pahle punjibaad aya,fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega.."
tabhi upar se woh byakti chillaya...bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena..."
upar ke birth par so rahe ek gramin ko bahat pareshani ho rahi thhi....
batien karte karte ek sajjan bole..."pahle punjibaad aya,fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega.."
tabhi upar se woh byakti chillaya...bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena..."
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