Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at
once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what20happened?'

'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife
says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly r eplied, 'My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and
the other is in your oatmeal
===============================================

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."

"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.

"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of
Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."




Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."



"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

Best joke in Britan



A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )

The 8 Qualities of a Perfect Husband....

1:- Brave.

2:- Intelligent.

3:- Gentle.

4:- polite.

5:- Energetic.

6:- Nutty.

7:- Industrious.

8:- Sensitive.




And if all else fails, Well........

read the CAPITAL LETTERS only....

Sardaar juice wale se :-

Jaldi se juice de ladai hone wali hai...

ek glass pine ke baad,,,ek glass aur de

ladai hone wali hai.....

woh bhi pene ke baad,,,,,,,,ek glass aur de jaldi ladai hone wali hai,,....

juice wala :- kab hogi ladai.....????

Sardaar :- Jab tu paise mangegaa......

ladki or tea me hamesha 7 qualities dekho

1.garam ho

2.kali naa ho

3.tez ho

4.methi ho

5.doodh zayada ho

6.do minute mev tayar ho

7.raat ko soone naa de

Sonu: Monu aaj tu doctor ke pass nahi gaya

Monu: Nahi aaj mein doctor ke pass nahi gaya

Sonu: Lekin tu to roz jata tha na, to aaj kyu nahi gaya

Monu: Ha yaar mein roz jata hoo, lekin aaj meri thodi tabiyat kharab hai is liye nahi gaya......

SWAMI :- beta hamesha apne se badi ko MAA,

Choti ko beti,

Aur brabar wali ko bahen mano......

Santa :- Baba ye XXXXX tum rakh lo ,

masaala kutne ke kaam aayega.............

here was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town.

He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.


A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice.

His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'


Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most?

Was it when they cut off your XXXXX or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'


He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for

MEENA LEENA SE....EK BAAT BATA TERA PATI ROZ TIME PAR GHAR KESE AA JATA HAI...

LEENA... MAINE USSE KEH DIYA HAI SEX RAT KO THEEK 9 BAJE START HO JAYEGA TUM AAO YA NA AAO.......

PENIS COMPLAINS "LOG MUJHE MISSUSE KARTE HAIN..

KOI GAN.. MAIN DALTA HAI,KOI CHOO.. MAIN GHUSATA HAI ,KOI MUHN SE CHOOSTA HAI KOI HAATH SE HILATA HAI......

AAKHIR MAIN KAROON TO KYA KAROON


UPAAY..

SAB THEEK HOO JAYEGA GANDU TU APNE AKADNE KI AADAT CHOOR DE TO.................

A CHILD NEVER SAW HIS HIPS BEFORE.

TEACHER HITS ON HIS HIPS WITH STICK , HAVE LOT OF PAIN....

HE CAME BACK TO HOME AND SEE HIS HIPS IN THE MIRROR AND SAYS...

KAMEENI KUTTI NE GAAND KE DO TUKDE KAR DIYE....

***************************************************************************

SUHAAG RAAT KO HAKLE NE APNI NAYI NAVELI BIWI SE KAHA .."AA AA AA AAAAO NAAAAAA DA DA DAA DAALIING EK CHU CHU CHU CHUU...

BIWI CHADDDI UTAAR KAR BOOLI "BHOSDIKE AB CHOOMLE,CHOOSLE YA CHOODLE PAR CHU CHU MATT KARRR......"

*****************************************************************************************

EK SARDAAR BADE JOLLY MOOD MAIN RESTAURENT MAIN JATA HAI OR BOLTA HAI "WAITERRRRRRRRR...

EK SEXXYYYYYY SI CHAAAY PILLAAO"

WAITER.."SAAB HAMARE YAHAN BHAINS KE DOODH KI CHAY BANTI HAI BIPASHA BASU KE NAHIN..."

MALLIKA & BIPASHA BOTH WENT TO KBC....

SHAHRUKH KHAN ASKED " WAT DO U LIKE MOST IN KBC ...?


BIPASHA LIFT HER MINI SCRIT AND SAYS..."AUDIANS POOOL"


MALLIKA LIFT HER MINI SCRIT AND SAYS "FASTEST FINGER FIRST"

Boss- I am giving u job as a Driver.

STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, Is it OK?

Sardar, U R GREAT Sir: Starting salary is OK.


But , How much is DRIVING salary:

SARDDAR KI BIWI NE USE AAPNE MUMME CHUSNE KO DIYE

THODI DER BAAD SARDAR RONE LAGA

BIWI- KYA HUA ?

SARDAR - MAA KI YAAD AA RAHI HAI ............

1 aadmi train se utar kar sardaar se puchta hai :-

yeh kon sa station hai ?

Sardaar ne socha__________

socha_________

socha__________

aur socha__________

phir bola...........

Railway Station......

A Husband's Viewpoint


1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (A life sentence!)

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS":

a) The Engagement Ring

b) The Wedding Ring

c) The SuffeRing

d) The EnduRing

e) The TortuRing

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den....He is supposed to count upto 100...and start searching...

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting 1,2.....97,98,99.....100.. He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's out."

Newton denies and says "I am not out......I am not Newton......"
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared......
since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT!

Men:


************



1. All men are extremely busy.


************



2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.


************



3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.


************



4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.


************



5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.


************



6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.


************



7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


************



Women:


************

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

************



2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.


************



3.. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.


************



4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.


************



5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".


************



6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.


************



7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.


************

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay.

The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."

With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"

Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."

ADAM'S FIRST MISTAKE

So...after Adam was created, there he was in the Garden of Eden. Of course it wasn't good for hime to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.

"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I'm going to give you a companion, a helpmate for you, someone who will fulfill your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving, and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned. "That sounds incredible."

"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free. In fact this is someone so special that it's going to cost and arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

BRAIN TRANSPLANT

At a hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

Surveying the worried faces, the doctor said: "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, a you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. One man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more expensive?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into

Wal-Mart

with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



The Wal-Mart

Greeter said pleasantly 'Good

morning,

and welcome to Wal-Mart.


Nice children you have there.


Are they twins?'




The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they

ain't twins.' 'The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell

would you think they're twins?


Are you blind, or just stupid?'



I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter.


'I
just couldn't believe someone had sex with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

Japanese Prostitute

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House.

He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately.

As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.

Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!"

He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.

Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.

As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language.

When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".

All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"

On Weighting Machine

A girl was checking her weight - 58 Kg.

Removed Sandal - 56 Kg.

Then Jacket - 53 Kg.

Then Dupatta - 52 Kg.

Then... coins khatam...

Little Johnny was next in queue behind her said - U carry on.. I'll put the coins!!

Johnny and his younger brother walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of WHISPER and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.

They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to climb trees and ride a bike. He can't do either.

NON-Veg JOKE


A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.



He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"



The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.



Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.



Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.



The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.



Boss: You're hired!

There was a man who wanted a pure wife.

So he started to attend church to find a woman.

He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.

When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"

She replies "A cock."

He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.

A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.

She replies, "A cock".

He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but....

A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.

He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"

She giggles and says, "A pee-pee."

He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.

They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."

He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."

She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

Change the oil !

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.

After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered " You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said "You`ve got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said "You must be quite a man."

He responded "You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil in that old motor, this one`s black."

Thirty erections!

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times.

He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last thirty years.

Your penis is burned out. You only have thirty erections left in your penis."


The man walks home, deeply depressed.

His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem.

He tells her what the doctor told him.

She says, "Oh no, only THIRTY erections left! We shouldn't waste that.

We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

George Bush & Abdul Kalam

George Bush & Abdul Kalam



While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He
Asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
Surround him with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the
right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister,
please answer this question:

Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"


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- Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir!"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice
to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you
can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to
you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or your sister.

Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and
exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's


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our Colin Powell !"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's


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Manmohan Singh!"

Even if u answer **five** questions its great...Feel proud...

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with
Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international
cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country
(other than Vatican )?
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?




HERE ARE THE ANSWERS
1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax ..
2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle
3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports
4. Satellite Television Asian Region
5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India
6. A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen
7. That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is Indian
's National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla)
9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.
10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. South Korea ..
12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)
13. Geoffrey Boycott
14. John Traicos
15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..
17. Polo.









1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with
Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international
cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country
(other than Vatican )?
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS
1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax ..
2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle
3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports
4. Satellite Television Asian Region
5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India
6. A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen
7. That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is Indian
's National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla)
9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.
10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. South Korea ..
12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)
13. Geoffrey Boycott
14. John Traicos
15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..
17. Polo.

PENIS COMPLAINS "LOG MUJHE MISSUSE KARTE HAIN..

KOI GAN... MAIN DALTA HAI,

KOI CHOO... MAIN GHUSATA HAI ,

KOI MUHN SE CHOOSTA HAI KOI HAATH SE HILATA HAI......

AAKHIR MAIN KAROON TO KYA KAROON

UPAAY..SAB THEEK HOO JAYEGA GANDU TU APNE A

******************************************************************

Ek din Sardarji BEST ki bus ke liye bahot der se intezar kar raha tha.

Dedh Ghante ke baad packed bus aayi aur bina ruke aage jaane laagi.

Sardar pichhe dauda aur mushkil se bus me ghus gaya. Fir seedha driver ke pass jaakar poochha.

Sardar - " Kya ye bus teri Maa lagti hein ?"

Driver - " Nahin"

Sardar - " To kya yeh teri Bahen lagti hei ? "

Driver - " Nahin "

Sardar - " To xxosdike Chadne kyun nahi deta ? "

******************************************************************

SWAMI :- beta hamesha apne se badi ko MAA, Choti ko beti, Aur brabar wali ko bahen mano......

Santa :- Baba ye XXXXX tum rakh lo , masaala kutne ke kaam aayega.............


je tu gori na hundi,

tu sooni na hundi,

sade dil di chori na hundi,

ki karna si tere husan da,

je tere patton de vich mori na hundi....

 ******************************************************************

A boy see his sister while bathing and next day ask her.

Sister, why your main(bottom) part is so red.

She slaps on his face. and say

I beat you only once and it is much red. Then

how many one , how many times had beaten me there, so it is red.

******************************************************************

Ek bar ek sadhu gali se ja raha tha,tab uske uper ek BRA giri

Sadhu Says: Hay bhagwan yeh kaisi duniya hai AAAM khud khate hai aur chilke hum ko dete hai !!!

******************************************************************

LADKA EK LADKI KO JAATE HUE DEKHTA HAI AUR US SE

KUCH KEHTA HAI.....

LADKA- - O CHORI , LE JA 100 KA NAUT HAME KUCH KARNA HAI..

LADKI- - CHORA, TERA SAVA HAATH KA XXXXXX MUJHE KYA MARNA HAI.....

******************************************************************

A girl to his boy friend: My right XXXXX is for Tuning & my left XXXXX is for Volume.

Suddenly the boy twisted both but no sound .

Girl: Arey dhost, Plug kaun lagayega..?


CLOUSE UP KI ADD. MAIN DAANTO KO DIKHATE HAI,

SHAMPOO KI ADD. MAIN BAALO KO DIKHATE HAI,

PHIR..........WISHPER KI ADD. MAIN HAMAARE SAATH DHOKHA KYUN............................................JAGOO GRAAHAK JAGGO.

******************************************************************

ARZ KIYA HAI....KI.." PHOOLON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA, USMAIN BHI KAANTE HOTE HAI, CHAHE KITNI BHI SUNDER LADKI HO, USKE BHI JHAANTEN HOTI HAIN.........."


******************************************************************

Ladki ki t-shirt per billi ko ladka ghoorne laga,,,

Ladki:- Billi nahi dekhi kya,,,

Ladka:- Billi to dekhi hai per doodh ki rakhwaali kart aaj pehli baar dekh raha hoon...

How to impress a GIRL......?????

Respect her.....


Love her.....


Protect her.....


Listen to her......


Care for her.......


Stand for her......


HOW TO IMPRESS A OY......????



Just smile once.....

Saale pagal ho jate hai.......

Sardaar juice wale se :-

Jaldi se juice de ladai hone wali hai...

ek glass pine ke baad,,,ek glass aur de

ladai hone wali hai.....

woh bhi pene ke baad,,,,,,,,ek glass aur de jaldi ladai hone wali hai,,....

juice wala :- kab hogi ladai.....????

Sardaar :- Jab tu paise mangegaa......

Every girl need this type of QUALITIES in her husband....

ITS TRUE..........


The 8 Qualities of a Perfect Husband....

1:- Brave.

2:- Intelligent.

3:- Gentle.

4:- polite.

5:- Energetic.

6:- Nutty.

7:- Industrious.

8:- Sensitive.

And if all else fails, Well........

read the CAPITAL LETTERS only....

The 11th Husband....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?


"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..


This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."

"Self Appraisal"


A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).


The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:


Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?


Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."


Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.



Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."

Woman: No, thank you.



With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.


Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

Boy: "No thanks,



Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"


This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest ->

1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"


2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public


3) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards


4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT
#Sardar gives up.


If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:

#1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The October revolution is celebrated in November

3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies
now tell me who's the dumb one.

Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

1 Day Sardar Had a dream that some 1 killed him Next Day He closed His ICICI Bank Account Dou U Know Y

Because ICICI slogan is WE Make UR Dreams True


_______________________________________________________________________________


A Negro attended a Night Party without Dress.

Sardar thought he is in Black Suit & told: Your Dress is nice yaar... But the Tie is in the Wrong Place..!!!


_______________________________________________________________________________

one morning sardar making idli's forbreakfast

wife ; how dis u make such huge idli ?

sardar ; with this spl. cloth.

wife : idiot give back my BRA..

Condom


Beta: Papa yeh condom kya hota hai?

Papa: Chal bhaag mujay nahin pata.


Beta: Tabhi toh hum 14 behan bhai hain!

DEDICATED TO ALL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS


One day, a Mechanical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, a Chemical Engineer
and a Software Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.


The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the
rods."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't
think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."


The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something
is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."

All three turned to the Software engineer and said, "What do you think?"




--

--
--

--

--

--

The Software Engineer said, "We shall get out of the car and get in
Again."

Laugh a Little: A Gujarati Funeral...

A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughter.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha,

I am sending Puj. Ba's dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT , India.

Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you.

Near Ba's feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct!!

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it.

The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews.

Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi
P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days...

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel



Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst

These are Girls profiles taken from a matrimonial website.
Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a Profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If
any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u
welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident
or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.
I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on
........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my
lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I
love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &
mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
( Confused ????? )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
(Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the
good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there
anything like that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
(Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE


Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "


Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."


Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

The Corporate Love Letter

In today's world of MBA's, the old fashioned Love-Letter is being replaced by such 'Corporate' Love-Letters. go ahead and read on.....

Dearest Ms. _____,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25 th of December 2007(Tuesday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2007 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,

Rajnikanth facts


You want to know who is Rajanikanth....here are the facts

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... .... he turns the dark off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

ConfessioN

ConfessioN

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says , "Dark in here."
The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now.

Some Explanations............

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."



2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....



3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"



4. Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."



5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "



6. Anger management?

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby.

After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb.

Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze.

Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains.

He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Umbalo-Gong

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Newton in romantic mood......

Newton in romantic mood......


Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "



First law:

"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "



Second law:

"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "



Third law:

"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.

Error Messages

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,

stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,

stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Types of Girls

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day...

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said,

"Now look Sharon, Iknow we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.

I expectyou to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.

The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as youplease around here ?"

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,...

." My lawyer."

Gay Bars

A dude named Henry really hates fags. Anyway, he moves into a new neighborhood and decides to go check out the bars.

As he strolls along, he keeps seeing signs with: "We serve gays" written on them.

He's really pissed off by them, but decides to keep searching. Eventually, his hard work pays off and he comes to bar that doesn't say anything about serving gays.

So, he goes inside and takes a seat at the main counter. While the bartender is pouring Henry a nice, cool Bud Light, Henry says, "I'm sure glad that this bar doesn't have any of those d*mn signs saying that ya serve gays!"

The bartender replies, "Oh, but we do. It's right over there on the floor..."

Henry gets off of the stool and bends over to look at it.

It reads: "Brace Yourself!"

The little sexy housewife was built so well...

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request.

But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness.

A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . .

"The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

Exposing Drunk!

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"

Sexy Barmaid

Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.

"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."

Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.

"I can feel you," she cried.

"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"

The Sexy Secretary.

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary,

so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner.

It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky,

so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him.

Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!""

Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse." Look what he did to my tits!"

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having...

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingtrouble picking suitable outfits.

After a while the wife got madand stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later she came backcompletely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out ofthe room himself.

Twenty minutes passed and then he came backhimself with a potato around his dick.

The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".

The Costume Party

A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween,

but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her,

because she said she had a terrible headache.

The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was.

She put on a different costume and went to the party.

When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume.

Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test.

She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom.

She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him.

Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return.

When he got there, she innocently asked if he'd had fun.

He told her he hadn't. After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker.

He added, "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!"

Exposing Drunk!

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"

Sexy Barmaid

Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.

"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."

Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.

"I can feel you," she cried.

"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"

Seems that God was just about done creating the universe.

The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.

He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. "It can be very handy,"

God explained to Adam and Eve. "Would either of you like that ability?"

Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me!

It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful."

Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam's display.

She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn't mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up.

And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up.

Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. "Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."

GOOD GIRLS VS. BAD GIRLS



Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

After less than a year of marriage, this lady was becoming more and more frustrated.

Her husband worked very long hours and was no longer interested in Bonking.

Plucking up her courage, and with a few stiff drinks inside her, she visited a sex shop.

"Hello, I'm very embarrassed about this. My husband doesn't make love to me.

You sell 'Sex Dolls', I'm here because I'm interested in buying one. You know ... one with a BIG Dick - for me."

The shop assistant was taken aback. In front of him was a lady - about 22 years old, 38 DD bust and a figure he would have crawled over a kilometre of broken glass to buy a coffee for.

"Well Miss - or Madam," he took another breath. "Frankly, we don't get much call for that sort of thing. However, we do have three models in the back room."

Jane looked him directly in the eye and smiled, "Tell me about them!"

"Well," the man replied, "I'm sure you won't like our first model. It's called 'The Soccer Player'.

Don't get me wrong; it's very nice. Powerful legs, cute butt - but it does tend to 'dribble' a lot."

Jane wasn't exactly delighted about this, "Well, No. Not interested in that! What else you've you got?"

"Well, " came the reply, "We also have The Aussie Cricketer. Listen, I must me fair with you. This is a great model, big ... well, Ummm huge, in the right places, but ... "

"Yes !?!" gulped Jane, with eyes like dinner plates.

"Once it's in - It's almost impossible to get it out. Frankly, we've only sold two of these in the last four years"

"Don't want THAT," replied Jane. "You said you have three models. What's left?"

"I hesitate to even talk about this," answered the shop assistant. "It's called 'The Santa Claus' Model."

"What do you mean, The Santa Claus model?" replied Jane.

"Well," answered the shop assistant. He took a deep breath. "This model only comes once a year and when it does - it fills up BOTH your stockings !"

Eagles mate for life, so this near-sighted eagle goes out to look for a mate. He finds a Dove.

They go back to his nest and they make love.

It was fantastic sex but all night long this dove says, "I'm a dove, let's make love. I'm a dove, let's make love."

Well the eagle just can't take this for the rest of his life so next morning he kicks her out of his nest.

Then on for the quest of another mate. He runs into a wren.

He takes her back to his nest and makes love to her.

Again fantastic sex but all night long this wren says, "I'm a wren let's do it again. I'm a wren let's do it again."

Well the eagle is getting really irritated so next morning he kicks her out of the nest....

Being very cautious (he thinks) he goes out to look for another mate...

He finds the perfect mate… a Duck.

So again he takes her to his nest and makes love to her.

You'll never guess what this duck said all night long...???!!!???

"I'm a drake you made a mistake. I'm a drake you made a mistake."

(A drake being a male duck!)

A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in sex.

So she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem.

The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious and her husband has merely lost his animal instincts.

The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him.

He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report.

A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is.

"He's dead," she replies.

"Dead?" the doctor asked.

"Yes. He was sitting in the driveway licking his balls, and I backed over him with the car."

A fellow is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he`s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.

The machine makes a loud hiss-pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide.

"The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.

The machine makes a noise: `Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!`

"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the `hiss, hiss,` is, but what`s that `pop!` every so often?"

"Oh, it`s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can`t be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it`s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

MAGIC TRICK



Two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, "Do you want to see a magic trick?"

Second guy says, "Sure."

"OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees."

Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours.

"There," says the first one, "... does that feel like you've got a thumb up your ass?"

"Yes!"

The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, "Magic!"

THE CELIBACY TEST



Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."

As Patrick leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower."

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

THE GREAT DATE



These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time.

The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!

She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"

HE 10 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN A WOMAN'S LIFE



10) The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."

9) The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide."

8) The Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."

7) The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

6) The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

5) The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest."

4) The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."

3) The Mailman because he always delivers his package.

2) The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

1) The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

TOILET PAPER



A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.

The brunette says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.

The redhead says, "What's so funny?"

The blonde says, "Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

BLONDE BANKING



A blonde girl in tears came running to her father.

"What's the matter?" asked the father.

"You gave me some bad financial advise," she said.

"I did? What did I tell you?"

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about, that's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," said the blonde girl. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'No Funds'."

BLONDE NUN



One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.

"There must be something you would have of me," said God.

"Well, there is one thing," she said.

"Just name it," said God.

"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."

"Consider it done," said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."

"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.

"Name it. Please," said God.

"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."

TRAIN TRACKS



There was a brunette jumping from rail to rail on a train track saying, "21-21-21-21..."

A blonde comes along and asks the brunette what she is doing. The brunette didn't answer.

So the blonde decided to jump from rail to rail saying, "21-21-21-21..." also.

Suddenly a large train honking its horn comes along. The brunette jumps off but the blonde stayed on and got killed by the train.

After the train passed by, the brunette jumps back on the tracks saying, "22-22-22-22..."

STOLEN MERCEDES



Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," the blonde said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the blonde says, "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . ."


The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.

"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"

"Ok," says the redhead and she jumps.

SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.

A young blonde was having problems with her first case of hemorrhoids. With all the burning, itching and swelling she didn't know what to do.

She calls her older blonde friend and says, "I'm itching, burning and it's swollen - what can I do?"

The older blonde says, "You have hemorrhoids. I'll go down to the pharmacy and get you some Preparation H; that will take care of your swelling and itching. You just set still."

After about an hour the young blonde was itching and burning more and more.

The older blonde delivers the Preparation H and tells the young blonde, "Take this and you will be better in about an hour. I'll call and check up on you in a couple of hours."

The young blonde, not reading the directions, rips open the box and swallows the whole tube, thinking this is the worst taste she has ever ran across her lips. She tries to spit it out but has no luck.

The phone rings and she answers, "Ssssswwwellooooo."

It's the older blonde. She asks, "So, how are your hemorrhoids??"

The young blonde replies, "They still itch and burn but I can whistle better than ever before!"