Best joke in Britan



A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )

The 8 Qualities of a Perfect Husband....

1:- Brave.

2:- Intelligent.

3:- Gentle.

4:- polite.

5:- Energetic.

6:- Nutty.

7:- Industrious.

8:- Sensitive.




And if all else fails, Well........

read the CAPITAL LETTERS only....

Sardaar juice wale se :-

Jaldi se juice de ladai hone wali hai...

ek glass pine ke baad,,,ek glass aur de

ladai hone wali hai.....

woh bhi pene ke baad,,,,,,,,ek glass aur de jaldi ladai hone wali hai,,....

juice wala :- kab hogi ladai.....????

Sardaar :- Jab tu paise mangegaa......

ladki or tea me hamesha 7 qualities dekho

1.garam ho

2.kali naa ho

3.tez ho

4.methi ho

5.doodh zayada ho

6.do minute mev tayar ho

7.raat ko soone naa de

Sonu: Monu aaj tu doctor ke pass nahi gaya

Monu: Nahi aaj mein doctor ke pass nahi gaya

Sonu: Lekin tu to roz jata tha na, to aaj kyu nahi gaya

Monu: Ha yaar mein roz jata hoo, lekin aaj meri thodi tabiyat kharab hai is liye nahi gaya......

SWAMI :- beta hamesha apne se badi ko MAA,

Choti ko beti,

Aur brabar wali ko bahen mano......

Santa :- Baba ye XXXXX tum rakh lo ,

masaala kutne ke kaam aayega.............

here was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town.

He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.


A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice.

His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'


Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most?

Was it when they cut off your XXXXX or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'


He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for

MEENA LEENA SE....EK BAAT BATA TERA PATI ROZ TIME PAR GHAR KESE AA JATA HAI...

LEENA... MAINE USSE KEH DIYA HAI SEX RAT KO THEEK 9 BAJE START HO JAYEGA TUM AAO YA NA AAO.......

PENIS COMPLAINS "LOG MUJHE MISSUSE KARTE HAIN..

KOI GAN.. MAIN DALTA HAI,KOI CHOO.. MAIN GHUSATA HAI ,KOI MUHN SE CHOOSTA HAI KOI HAATH SE HILATA HAI......

AAKHIR MAIN KAROON TO KYA KAROON


UPAAY..

SAB THEEK HOO JAYEGA GANDU TU APNE AKADNE KI AADAT CHOOR DE TO.................

A CHILD NEVER SAW HIS HIPS BEFORE.

TEACHER HITS ON HIS HIPS WITH STICK , HAVE LOT OF PAIN....

HE CAME BACK TO HOME AND SEE HIS HIPS IN THE MIRROR AND SAYS...

KAMEENI KUTTI NE GAAND KE DO TUKDE KAR DIYE....

***************************************************************************

SUHAAG RAAT KO HAKLE NE APNI NAYI NAVELI BIWI SE KAHA .."AA AA AA AAAAO NAAAAAA DA DA DAA DAALIING EK CHU CHU CHU CHUU...

BIWI CHADDDI UTAAR KAR BOOLI "BHOSDIKE AB CHOOMLE,CHOOSLE YA CHOODLE PAR CHU CHU MATT KARRR......"

*****************************************************************************************

EK SARDAAR BADE JOLLY MOOD MAIN RESTAURENT MAIN JATA HAI OR BOLTA HAI "WAITERRRRRRRRR...

EK SEXXYYYYYY SI CHAAAY PILLAAO"

WAITER.."SAAB HAMARE YAHAN BHAINS KE DOODH KI CHAY BANTI HAI BIPASHA BASU KE NAHIN..."

MALLIKA & BIPASHA BOTH WENT TO KBC....

SHAHRUKH KHAN ASKED " WAT DO U LIKE MOST IN KBC ...?


BIPASHA LIFT HER MINI SCRIT AND SAYS..."AUDIANS POOOL"


MALLIKA LIFT HER MINI SCRIT AND SAYS "FASTEST FINGER FIRST"

Boss- I am giving u job as a Driver.

STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, Is it OK?

Sardar, U R GREAT Sir: Starting salary is OK.


But , How much is DRIVING salary:

SARDDAR KI BIWI NE USE AAPNE MUMME CHUSNE KO DIYE

THODI DER BAAD SARDAR RONE LAGA

BIWI- KYA HUA ?

SARDAR - MAA KI YAAD AA RAHI HAI ............

1 aadmi train se utar kar sardaar se puchta hai :-

yeh kon sa station hai ?

Sardaar ne socha__________

socha_________

socha__________

aur socha__________

phir bola...........

Railway Station......

A Husband's Viewpoint


1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (A life sentence!)

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS":

a) The Engagement Ring

b) The Wedding Ring

c) The SuffeRing

d) The EnduRing

e) The TortuRing

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den....He is supposed to count upto 100...and start searching...

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting 1,2.....97,98,99.....100.. He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's out."

Newton denies and says "I am not out......I am not Newton......"
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared......
since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT!

Men:


************



1. All men are extremely busy.


************



2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.


************



3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.


************



4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.


************



5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.


************



6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.


************



7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


************



Women:


************

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

************



2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.


************



3.. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.


************



4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.


************



5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".


************



6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.


************



7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.


************

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay.

The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."

With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"

Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."

ADAM'S FIRST MISTAKE

So...after Adam was created, there he was in the Garden of Eden. Of course it wasn't good for hime to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.

"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I'm going to give you a companion, a helpmate for you, someone who will fulfill your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving, and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned. "That sounds incredible."

"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free. In fact this is someone so special that it's going to cost and arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

BRAIN TRANSPLANT

At a hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

Surveying the worried faces, the doctor said: "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, a you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. One man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more expensive?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into

Wal-Mart

with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



The Wal-Mart

Greeter said pleasantly 'Good

morning,

and welcome to Wal-Mart.


Nice children you have there.


Are they twins?'




The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they

ain't twins.' 'The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell

would you think they're twins?


Are you blind, or just stupid?'



I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter.


'I
just couldn't believe someone had sex with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

Japanese Prostitute

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House.

He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately.

As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.

Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!"

He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.

Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.

As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language.

When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".

All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"

On Weighting Machine

A girl was checking her weight - 58 Kg.

Removed Sandal - 56 Kg.

Then Jacket - 53 Kg.

Then Dupatta - 52 Kg.

Then... coins khatam...

Little Johnny was next in queue behind her said - U carry on.. I'll put the coins!!

Johnny and his younger brother walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of WHISPER and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.

They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to climb trees and ride a bike. He can't do either.

NON-Veg JOKE


A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.



He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"



The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.



Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.



Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.



The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.



Boss: You're hired!

There was a man who wanted a pure wife.

So he started to attend church to find a woman.

He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.

When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"

She replies "A cock."

He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.

A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.

She replies, "A cock".

He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but....

A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.

He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"

She giggles and says, "A pee-pee."

He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.

They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."

He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."

She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

Change the oil !

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.

After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered " You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said "You`ve got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said "You must be quite a man."

He responded "You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil in that old motor, this one`s black."

Thirty erections!

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times.

He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last thirty years.

Your penis is burned out. You only have thirty erections left in your penis."


The man walks home, deeply depressed.

His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem.

He tells her what the doctor told him.

She says, "Oh no, only THIRTY erections left! We shouldn't waste that.

We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

George Bush & Abdul Kalam

George Bush & Abdul Kalam



While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He
Asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
Surround him with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the
right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister,
please answer this question:

Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"


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- Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir!"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice
to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you
can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to
you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or your sister.

Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and
exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's


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And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's


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Manmohan Singh!"

Even if u answer **five** questions its great...Feel proud...

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with
Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international
cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country
(other than Vatican )?
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?




HERE ARE THE ANSWERS
1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax ..
2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle
3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports
4. Satellite Television Asian Region
5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India
6. A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen
7. That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is Indian
's National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla)
9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.
10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. South Korea ..
12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)
13. Geoffrey Boycott
14. John Traicos
15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..
17. Polo.









1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with
Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international
cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country
(other than Vatican )?
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS
1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax ..
2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle
3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports
4. Satellite Television Asian Region
5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India
6. A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen
7. That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is Indian
's National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla)
9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.
10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. South Korea ..
12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)
13. Geoffrey Boycott
14. John Traicos
15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..
17. Polo.

PENIS COMPLAINS "LOG MUJHE MISSUSE KARTE HAIN..

KOI GAN... MAIN DALTA HAI,

KOI CHOO... MAIN GHUSATA HAI ,

KOI MUHN SE CHOOSTA HAI KOI HAATH SE HILATA HAI......

AAKHIR MAIN KAROON TO KYA KAROON

UPAAY..SAB THEEK HOO JAYEGA GANDU TU APNE A

******************************************************************

Ek din Sardarji BEST ki bus ke liye bahot der se intezar kar raha tha.

Dedh Ghante ke baad packed bus aayi aur bina ruke aage jaane laagi.

Sardar pichhe dauda aur mushkil se bus me ghus gaya. Fir seedha driver ke pass jaakar poochha.

Sardar - " Kya ye bus teri Maa lagti hein ?"

Driver - " Nahin"

Sardar - " To kya yeh teri Bahen lagti hei ? "

Driver - " Nahin "

Sardar - " To xxosdike Chadne kyun nahi deta ? "

******************************************************************

SWAMI :- beta hamesha apne se badi ko MAA, Choti ko beti, Aur brabar wali ko bahen mano......

Santa :- Baba ye XXXXX tum rakh lo , masaala kutne ke kaam aayega.............


je tu gori na hundi,

tu sooni na hundi,

sade dil di chori na hundi,

ki karna si tere husan da,

je tere patton de vich mori na hundi....

 ******************************************************************

A boy see his sister while bathing and next day ask her.

Sister, why your main(bottom) part is so red.

She slaps on his face. and say

I beat you only once and it is much red. Then

how many one , how many times had beaten me there, so it is red.

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Ek bar ek sadhu gali se ja raha tha,tab uske uper ek BRA giri

Sadhu Says: Hay bhagwan yeh kaisi duniya hai AAAM khud khate hai aur chilke hum ko dete hai !!!

******************************************************************

LADKA EK LADKI KO JAATE HUE DEKHTA HAI AUR US SE

KUCH KEHTA HAI.....

LADKA- - O CHORI , LE JA 100 KA NAUT HAME KUCH KARNA HAI..

LADKI- - CHORA, TERA SAVA HAATH KA XXXXXX MUJHE KYA MARNA HAI.....

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A girl to his boy friend: My right XXXXX is for Tuning & my left XXXXX is for Volume.

Suddenly the boy twisted both but no sound .

Girl: Arey dhost, Plug kaun lagayega..?


CLOUSE UP KI ADD. MAIN DAANTO KO DIKHATE HAI,

SHAMPOO KI ADD. MAIN BAALO KO DIKHATE HAI,

PHIR..........WISHPER KI ADD. MAIN HAMAARE SAATH DHOKHA KYUN............................................JAGOO GRAAHAK JAGGO.

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ARZ KIYA HAI....KI.." PHOOLON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA, USMAIN BHI KAANTE HOTE HAI, CHAHE KITNI BHI SUNDER LADKI HO, USKE BHI JHAANTEN HOTI HAIN.........."


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Ladki ki t-shirt per billi ko ladka ghoorne laga,,,

Ladki:- Billi nahi dekhi kya,,,

Ladka:- Billi to dekhi hai per doodh ki rakhwaali kart aaj pehli baar dekh raha hoon...

How to impress a GIRL......?????

Respect her.....


Love her.....


Protect her.....


Listen to her......


Care for her.......


Stand for her......


HOW TO IMPRESS A OY......????



Just smile once.....

Saale pagal ho jate hai.......

Sardaar juice wale se :-

Jaldi se juice de ladai hone wali hai...

ek glass pine ke baad,,,ek glass aur de

ladai hone wali hai.....

woh bhi pene ke baad,,,,,,,,ek glass aur de jaldi ladai hone wali hai,,....

juice wala :- kab hogi ladai.....????

Sardaar :- Jab tu paise mangegaa......

Every girl need this type of QUALITIES in her husband....

ITS TRUE..........


The 8 Qualities of a Perfect Husband....

1:- Brave.

2:- Intelligent.

3:- Gentle.

4:- polite.

5:- Energetic.

6:- Nutty.

7:- Industrious.

8:- Sensitive.

And if all else fails, Well........

read the CAPITAL LETTERS only....

The 11th Husband....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?


"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..


This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."

"Self Appraisal"


A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).


The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:


Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?


Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."


Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.



Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."

Woman: No, thank you.



With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.


Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

Boy: "No thanks,



Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"


This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest ->

1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"


2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public


3) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards


4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT
#Sardar gives up.


If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:

#1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The October revolution is celebrated in November

3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies
now tell me who's the dumb one.

Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

1 Day Sardar Had a dream that some 1 killed him Next Day He closed His ICICI Bank Account Dou U Know Y

Because ICICI slogan is WE Make UR Dreams True


_______________________________________________________________________________


A Negro attended a Night Party without Dress.

Sardar thought he is in Black Suit & told: Your Dress is nice yaar... But the Tie is in the Wrong Place..!!!


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one morning sardar making idli's forbreakfast

wife ; how dis u make such huge idli ?

sardar ; with this spl. cloth.

wife : idiot give back my BRA..

Condom


Beta: Papa yeh condom kya hota hai?

Papa: Chal bhaag mujay nahin pata.


Beta: Tabhi toh hum 14 behan bhai hain!